[00:00:00]

Mica: Welcome to the 70th episode of the Savory Shot, a podcast about the art and soul of working in food photography. I'm your host with the most Mica McCook. I'm a food photographer, born and based right here in Austin, Texas. Can I just say, I'm so damn happy you're here today. Thank you for tuning in.

Whether you're listening in your studio, on your morning walk, or you're hiding in your car because you just need five minutes of silence before going into that grocery store. I see you. I love you, and I thank you for being here. If this is your first time, first of all, welcome to what I like to call The Hot Mess Express.

Thanks for giving this wee little [00:01:00] podcast a chance. I thought it would be amazing, poetic even, to end this rocky, bumpy, chaotic year for the podcast with a solo episode and to listen. I feel like I owe y'all an explanation for this year. I mean, I know I don't, but at the same time, I kind of do. Last year I talked about being burnt out, needing a break, needing extra help.

I thought I nipped that problem in the bud. I thought I was gonna ride off into the sunset on a horse named Perfection, Nah, that did not happen at all. I dropped the ball and then I dropped it again and again [00:02:00] and again. It was just so hard to get back into a groove. I I wanted to, I desperately wanted to.

But I was just frozen. I couldn't edit another episode. I couldn't write another show note. I mean, my heart wasn't done. I wasn't done. But the amount of work required to publish an episode felt impossibly huge, and I couldn't understand why.

What happened? Why was something I loved so much suddenly this mountain I couldn't climb. Earlier this year I was diagnosed with ADHD, but honestly, it's only been the last two months that I've really, truly begun to understand it. And y'all, everything makes sense now. Now listen. [00:03:00] I know some of y'all hear ADHD and think of that one kid in fourth grade who wouldn't sit still and kept tapping a pencil like he was auditioning for Stomp. If you don't remember who that kid is, chances are that kid was you. But seriously. I thought ADHD was someone who's like super hyper and they're bouncing all over and jumping all over and you can't have like a conversation with them because they're just like squirrel.

So like I thought that's what ADHD was and that it was kid thing. But ADHD isn't just a childhood thing and it's not just being hyper or distracted. For so many of us, it's a whole, whole way of experiencing the world, a whole way of working, a whole way of being. You work twice as hard to get the bare minimum [00:04:00] done.

I just wanna say that ADHD is a pain in the ass. If I hear one more person tell me that it's a superpower, I'm gonna punt you to the other side of the country because I don't always feel like it's a superpower.

I know there are some pros to it, like we're good in times of crises and we're good at thinking on our feet and getting outta jams and all that stuff. But for so many of us, we carry these invisible struggles. The burnout we can't explain, the projects we can do in 12 hours. That somehow takes us three weeks to start. The hyper focus that turns us into superheroes and then, and then we're puddles like instantly.

There's no gradual, it's just hyper focus, puddle.The admin tasks s that feel like [00:05:00] climbing Mount Everest barefoot and with no snacks, the constant thinking and overthinking and daydreaming and time blindness. The shame we quietly, secretly carry because the minute we mention ADHD, someone rolls their eyes and says, Everyone has ADHD.

You're not that special. Y'all, we've got a lot to talk about. So much to talk about. If you have ADHD, get ready to just, just shake your fist in the air and go, yes, yes, all of this. And if you're neurotypical, this is a great episode to listen so that you know how to navigate conversations with someone who has ADHD.

But before we get into all of that, grab your coffee, your wine, [00:06:00] whatever you have nearby, and let's start the show.

Speaker: Well, welcome to the Savory Shot, a biweekly show about the art and soul of working in food photography. I'm your host, Mika McCook. Every other Wednesday I sit down to chat with professionals in the industry. So that you feast on only the best tips and strategies in the business. Alright, tall, let's get started.

Mica: So even though I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, it's only been in the last two months that I've made a real effort to understand what it is and how it impacts me and my daily life. I guess I was, no pun intended, well, maybe, maybe it's very intended, but [00:07:00] I guess I was procrastinating. But I found myself feeling frustrated, like, I have this diagnosis.

I have answers to all these questions I've had for nearly my whole life. Why can't I sit down and pay attention to the teacher? Why do I fall asleep in class? Why did I wait so long to do my homework? Why did I buy that stupid soft box that I never use? Why am I putting off this to-do list that it's starting to look like a damn CVS receipt?

Why can't I just start it? Why have I been staring at this damn wall for 45 minutes? Why did I just make popcorn when I was headed to the bathroom? Why? All those things are like answered and I'm sitting here thinking, why is [00:08:00] this so hard? Why am I like this? When I'm on a set and I'm shooting my mind is in 20,000 different directions and there's so much going on. You gotta worry about styling, you gotta worry about directing. You're in charge of a lot of things. So my brain is like feel direction here, direction there.

Left, right, left right? And ironically, like, I'm calm. That's fine. I'm thriving in, in that kind of environment. But then there's the other

extreme where replying to one email, starting one edit, finishing a task that takes eight minutes, suddenly that feels like climbing mountain doom.

And I'd feel so frustrated asking myself, why does it feel like I'm thriving here? Then I'm struggling over here, but even when I'm thriving over here, it still [00:09:00] feels like I'm struggling. Like I am putting all of my effort into just getting shit done and staying focused and staying on track.

And, and then, you know, I'd get home from a photo shoot and I'm out, I'm passed out on the couch. And it's not even like a physical tiredness, it's like a mental, like, I'm mentally tired. And it's all the time on shoots, answering emails. And for the longest time I thought it was a motivation problem, or discipline problem, or a me problem.

I, gotta push through, I gotta shame myself into action, hype myself into action, caffeine myself into action. Like right before a shoot, I'm just kind of all over the place and I'm thinking it's just 'cause I'm nervous. I've just gotta clear my mind and meditate and type of thing. And then after shoots, I'm exhausted.

I'm like, oh, I'm not exercising enough. I don't have enough, [00:10:00] enough stamina to like get through. So I'm like, get into working out and pumping iron. And then I won't be so tired after shoots and I'm still tired. And when I'm sitting at my desk, I'm like, oh, I have all these distractions. I need to get rid of them.

No music, no food, no sneaky snacks. Like move everything away. And then I'm still struggling. Everything was a struggle. In fact, we should just call this episode Mica's Lifelong Struggle. I don't, just kidding. I don't know what we're gonna call this episode, but the point is, none of it worked. Nothing worked, and I couldn't figure out why.

And then I got my ADHD diagnosis and listen, I didn't immediately understand what that meant, like I did, because like I had a conversation with a friend and she like explained like her symptoms and things like that. And a lot of it sounded [00:11:00] similar to me and I was like, oh yeah, I have that. But when I got my diagnosis, I didn't immediately understand what my diagnosis meant. Like I understood and it confirmed my suspicions and it was like, cool. Got it. Thanks. But I guess I didn't know the depth of like how much ADHD impacted my life.

Over the last two months as I've taken the time to like actually learn about ADHD, there's just so many things that I can like count that have made so much sense. For example, the burnout makes sense. The hyperfocus marathons made sense, the emotional spirals, the time blindness, the endless mental tabs, like all open in my brain, all of it just clicked into place and I, I felt [00:12:00] relief.

I remember thinking,

I'm not broken, I'm not lazy, I'm not purposefully being inconsistent. Like everything just made sense and, sorry, I'm, I'm trying not to cry. I'm trying not to cry. It is just so,

it just felt so validating to learn that my brain was running on an entirely different operating system and I had been shaming myself for using it wrong, quote unquote wrong. In college, in high school, in my young adult years. I was just unfairly harsh on myself and it only got worse when I became a photographer. When you work in a creative field, especially something as hands-on and [00:13:00] sensory as like food photography, ADHD doesn't just show up quietly.

Nah, boo. She shows up with a fog machine in a spotlight.

One of the first videos I watched on ADHD, the psychiatrist talked about Executive Dysfunction. I'll put it in the show notes. That video actually made me cry. It actually made me cry. But y'all, I had never heard of Executive Dysfunction in my life. I'd never heard that term before. And at first I thought it meant something serious like I had brain damage or something.

I got a little panicky. I said to myself, oh my God, I got executive dysfunction.

And because you know your girl loves drama. I panicked even more when I learned what it actually [00:14:00] meant. Executive dysfunction, for those who don't know, is what happens when the part of your brain that's supposed to help you plan, organize, prioritize, start, follow through, manage time.

That part of your brain just doesn't work. Like it decides it's taken a leave of absence. And I swear, like I jumped and I went to the living room and I told Aaron, my brain is broken. Like I was just like, what the fuck? And I was panicking. Like I really was freaking out because, all of those things are literally what I do as a photographer.

I plan the shoot, I organize the crew and the logistics. I create the shot list and I prioritize the shots. I start the shoot. I run the shoot. [00:15:00] I keep track of time during the shoot, and then I finish the shoot. Every single one of those skills relies on executive functioning. So on one hand I'm like, hopeless.

I feel hopeless. Like, how the hell have I been doing this job any job? But at the same time, I felt proud because I'm like, damn right, I did this job. Despite all of these setbacks, I did the job. I also felt relieved because, for most of my life I didn't understand why I just couldn't get my shit together in certain areas and learning this, it felt good to know [00:16:00] why.

I told myself, Mica, girl, you've gotta hunker down and learn as much as possible about this 'cause my favorite motto is, when there's a will, there's a way. But I say it differently, I say when there's aMica, there's a way. And thus began my YouTube wormhole era. Try saying that 10 times fast.

YouTube wormhole era, YouTube.

Nevermind.

Point is, I descended into the ADHD rabbit hole. I went on a personal research journey and I'm, I'm starting to understand like how to navigate this, how to move past it. When I was diagnosed, my psychiatrist was like, you definitely have ADHD, but you have put in so many routines and rigid, step by steps checklist and everything that you have [00:17:00] somewhat managed it, but you're making things a lot harder on yourself than you need to.

So like, learning about executive dysfunction and learning that like a lot of the tools that you can use to get past it or work around it were things that I was already doing and I didn't know. But the biggest executive dysfunction that I definitely struggle with is time blindness.

And time blindness is, it is not cute. It will wreck your whole day, your whole schedule, your whole sense of reality. If you're not careful, like I used to get in the shower and I swear before Dumbledore, it was like a 10 minute shower and I come out and like 45 minutes have passed. I'm like, what the fuck?

Or I get lost in a book. Then I think, oh, it's like 10 minutes have gone by. I'll read for like 10 minutes and then I look up and it's like three hours later and I'm like, oh, shit. Like, totally missed it. TikTok [00:18:00] was like the worst, 'cause you just, you just scroll through and you don't even know what time it is.

I remember one of my shoots, my crew and I were testing the light and the client walked up to me and they asked like, are we getting started anytime soon? And I remember thinking, started, started, we just started testing the light. What? And then I looked at my watch and I realized, oh shit.

So much time had passed. I was like, what the fuck are we in a time vortex like, what the hell? it I don't know if anyone saw Interstellar, but like the time slippage or they're down in that gravity planet for like 30 minutes in their eyes they're down there for 30 minutes and they get back up to the ship and it's been like 25 years.

Like that's literally what it feels like. Or, I mean, looking back, we were moving at a freaking snails pace because I, me, [00:19:00] kept shooting the same shot over and over again trying to make it perfect. And I remember at one point the client came back and they're like, Hey, can we move on?

Like, we love this shot, we love what you did. Like we, I don't think there's anything more you can do. So can we just like move on 'cause we don't wanna run out of time. And again, I was like, run out of what? And I looked at the clock and I was like, oh shit. It's almost lunchtime. And we still had like two more setups to go.

We were so behind the schedule and I was just standing there like, what the fuck? It was insane. Learning about time blindness. It made everything click. People with ADHD, we do not feel time the same way neurotypical people do. Like time is not a river.

It doesn't, it's a concept. it's a myth. It's a rumor. It's a, an urban legend that, that, I swear y'all neurotypical folks keep [00:20:00] insisting is real. My husband. He gets so frustrated with me whenever we have to go somewhere, 'cause he's like, he'll come up to me like 30 minutes before you have to leave.

And he is like, Hey, we're leaving in 30 minutes. And I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And I'm like in the middle of something and I'm like, oh, I'm almost done. And I swear no time has passed by. And he'll come back and he'll be like, Hey, we gotta go. We got 10 minutes. Like we gotta go now. And I'm like, 10 minutes.

And I'm still not even dressed. Like I'm not even dressed. And Aaron's like, what the fuck? We gotta go. And we'd show up late, like 10, 15 minutes late to whatever event. And he'd be like, I don't understand. I told you we had 30 minutes. And even like, once I got ready and I'm like, ready to go, then boom.

I can't find my phone. I can't find my purse, I can't find my keys and where are my sunglasses. It's so bright outside. I gotta have my sunglasses. And you know, [00:21:00] when I was learning about time blindness, I was like, yeah. I was like shaking my head like, this makes so much sense.

Because for me there are only two types of time right now and not right now. That's it. Those are the categories. Either I need to leave right now or not right now.

And if something is not happening right now, it just floats away. Just like a little butterfly. It just drifts off into a foggy, mythical future that I cannot touch until suddenly. Oh shit. We booked the studio for four hours. We only have two hours left and we've only completed three shots and there are four.

Or I'll sit down to do my makeup while listening to a podcast and instead of it being 30 minutes, suddenly I've been blending eyeshadow for an hour. I'm like, what the fuck? I just started my makeup. Or [00:22:00] I'll sit down to lunch, like I said before, open a book, especially if it's one of my steamy romance novels.

And then I'll just be engulfed in this for like two hours. I'm like, what the fuck? And I'm like stumbling back into the office. Like I've come back from Narnia

and it's not irresponsibility, it's neurology, ADHD brains process times differently. Now it is your responsibility to like put things into place so that way two hour, two hour book reading sessions don't happen or blending eyeshadow for an hour doesn't happen. That's on you. That's your responsibility, but your brain, , missing the concept of time, that's not on you boo.

Like your brain just processes things differently and what feels like five minutes has like passed. It's really like three hours or five years. You just don't know. You really just get so oblivious to it. One thing I tend to do, and I'm really bad about this, [00:23:00] like I will sometimes have to meet someone and like the other side of town, like you could tell me I have to be in South Austin at three o'clock and it takes 30 minutes from my house to the coffee shop, so I have to be there at three.

I'm not leaving my house till two 50.

I act like, yeah, I got, I can make it there in 10 minutes. Like I could just apparate there. Like, no, no big deal, no problem. Or I plan a shoot and I'll think, yeah, we, we can get 10 shots with multiple light setups and, and done in eight hours. Like, yeah, no, no big deal. We could do that with a small crew of two of us.

We could have a whole set up of food and do this giant flat lay and then all these other things in, in two hours. Ugh. You see, this is why ADHD creatives hyper focus for like 12 hours [00:24:00] straight. But it's also why we miss deadlines, forget appointments or underestimate how long things are gonna take.

Mica: Here's another thing I struggle with starting a task. Y'all. This is my Roman empire. You know that song? Let's get it started. Let's get it started in here. Like I shake my motherfucking fist at that song. Let's get it started. Let's get it started. And here, because in school I used to get so frustrated with myself because I just couldn't get started on whatever damn thing I was doing. It just, it didn't matter. I couldn't get started until the deadline was like hours away. And once I got started, I was fine. Like I found my [00:25:00] groove and then boom. But the launch is where I struggle. And it's still that way today. Like yesterday I was sitting in my reading chair and I was like.

Mica, it's time to get ready for bed. You need to put your clothes out, you need to, you know, take your medication. You need to go brush your, your teeth, your face, like do your nighttime routine. You need to do it now. And then I wouldn't move, like I'm having this internal argument with myself like, girl, get your ass up and go get ready for bed.

No, get your ass up and go get ready for bed now. And I just wouldn't move. And this has been my whole life. Like I've struggled with starting tasks my whole life in school, I'd get so mad at myself because I couldn't start my essays, couldn't start my homework, couldn't start memorizing my lines until the deadlines were like basically sitting on top of me.

Like, Hey girl, [00:26:00] this is due in like 10 minutes. Get to it. Chop, chop. It was like that in college. It was like that on my day jobs. Like I have all these tasks and I'm like, I need to get started on this, so I'll have time to do this so that I can go home at this time. No, never happened. Never happened. I mean, once I started, like I said, I was fine.

I can power through it. AKA hyper-focused through it, but the start, oh no, that start button was like, it was like the little key in Dumbledore, in the Harry Potter and the um, the Sorcerer Stone where they're trying to find the Sorcerer Stone?

Yeah. It was like the start button was hidden by Fluffy, the, you know, the three-headed dog. Ugh. One thing I tend to do is I'll plan my shoots, like my test shoots. I'll buy the props, buy the food, and then fail to set up my [00:27:00] equipment. I kid you not y'all, I'll be sitting there.

My brain will be like, you need to get started. Go get your camera, go get your lights, like get up, go get your lights now. And then immediately my brain will be like, oh, I should check my email.

Or when it's time to like edit photos, I'll be at my computer and I'll say, okay, it's time to edit. And then I just won't move. I'll just sit at my desk like a decorative plant. I'll just sit there and sit there and sit there. And you know, people with ADHD, we don't struggle with doing tasks. We struggle with starting them.

I've said it before. I'll say it again. I'll keep saying it. Starting requires, I don't know. It requires like activating the brain, shifting gears, moving into a new focus. For me, it feels like my start button, it's like broken, like [00:28:00] it'll spark, it'll sputter, it'll delay, but it's just not gonna work.

I'm just gonna sit there in my parking lot just staring ahead. For the ones who have ADHD, have y'all ever sat down to write an email? Like you know what you're gonna say? You know who you're going to email? Like you've got it all planned out in your mind.

And so you sit down and you open Gmail and you write out the subject, and then you get to the little body part, and then suddenly the English language leaves your body. You're just sitting there like,

or you're about to begin editing photos, and then you reorganize your pens and you go, oh, I wonder why I have so many damn pens. Oh, is that just me? Am I the only one organizing pens?

Or have you ever opened your laptop to send an invoice? And then you end up watching a video about why [00:29:00] whales sleep vertically.

They do it to conserve energy and to stay close to the surface. You're welcome.

Again, it's not regular procrastination. It's not laziness. It's paralysis. It's your brain acting like, like that meme where the guy who's like, the pills are too damn high. That's pretty much like, what I envision, I envision my brain with the wig, the powdered wig going, the amount of energy required to begin this is too damn high.

Let me be more dramatic, even more dramatic for a second because I haven't been drama for your mama this whole episode, but do y'all remember Terminator three, the Rise of the Machines?

Okay. I'm going to assume that all of y'all have seen that movie with Nick Stahl. I think that's his name. He was in the Carnival. I had a crush on him. Anyway. [00:30:00] Anyway, didn't even focus.

There's that scene where the TX corrupts the Terminator systems and Arnold Schwartzenegger is like trying to kill John Connor. And he's like throwing him around the little airstrip and then like right as he's about to you. Kill John Conner. Like his original mission, his OG mission is still to protect John.

And so there's like this internal war and he's like, freezes mid punch. Do y'all remember that dialogue where he goes, what is your mission? And then Terminator is like to, and show the safety of John Connor and Katherine Brewster. And he's like, you are about to fail that mission. And then he like freezes.

Anyone? I know y'all have seen the Terminator three. Anyway, that is what starting a task feels like. Need to start task can't start task. Start task. Can't start task. [00:31:00] Freeze. So yeah, we're not avoiding the task, we're trying to push

ourselves into the runway. We're trying to stop the car, but it's winter. We can't. We just can't. So I hope that explains, I mean, somewhere in all of my brain, this all makes sense about why this year was hard as fuck for me. I just had a lot of shit to do for the podcast and I just couldn't get started. And then time blindness, like I didn't realize, oh, the whole day has passed by and I still need to edit that episode.

Huh? Which brings me to another discovery that I learned about ADHD. We struggle with task sequencing. Meaning if a task has multiple steps, even the tiny ones, the brain

panics. Every time Aaron comes to me with like these really complicated things, I say to him, dumb it down. Dumb it down. Reduce the steps. Reduce the steps. Like, 'cause my eyes start crossing and I'm like, Nope, nope, nope. [00:32:00] And like, planning my social media every month. Oh my God. It's exhausting.

'Cause like I've made like this complicated system where it's like step after step after step, and now I'm realizing if it has more than five steps, like something's getting missed. Like I'm not doing all of that. Right. If I put something vague on my to-do list, like plan social media, I mean, I'll set up my computer and I'll be like, okay, air.

Huh? What do I do first? When Aaron plans his social media, like. Most neurotypical brains. He's just like, cool, I'll do these tasks one-on-one, one by one first. I'll do this second, I'll do that, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like me, I'm just like, burn the list. Start fresh tomorrow, rebrand everything. Move to Portugal, Harry Potter,

And like, I don't know, the [00:33:00] small task, they feel huge because they're not just tasked, they're decisions. And, and for me, like making a ton of decisions, it just exhausts me. That's why I hate getting on Google 'cause it's like you Google something and then it's like you have four bazillion results and, and you're like, fuck, I have to go through 23 pages of this shit.

Like, you don't have to, but like my brain will be like, I need to make sure that I'm getting the best of the best of the best decision, the best link, the best recipe. It's just, decision making drains my brain fast, like it overheats my brain overheats. And it's just too much. Like, for example, take editing neurotypical workflow.

You choose your photos, then you import the cold photos, and then you go by each photo and you do your typical, you adjust the exposure. Color, grade, [00:34:00] make some healing, yada, yada, yada. Five minutes in, boom, export. Done. ADHD workflow. Ha.

This is like 12 tasks, wearing a trench coat, pretending to be one. You're like, oh, I'm gonna call. And then you start calling, and then you see someone and you go, oh, I wonder where that curtain came from. And then you're googling the curtain and then you're learning about how curtains were made and sewed during the Renaissance.

Or like you're looking at food of, like, for example, I give you one example. My last shoot they had like olives and I thought, wow, those are some really green olives. I've never seen olives that green. And so I googled, why are olives green? And then I just went down the rabbit hole of why olives are green and the history of olives, where it came from, [00:35:00] who popularized it. Why people prefer to drink it in their, like all kinds of shit. And I'm supposed to be editing these photos.

Mica: I will say, what's been helping me lately? I talk to myself out loud. Like I, I gentle parent myself out loud, verbally. I'll say to myself, Mica, get up. 10 seconds. You've got 10 seconds. And then I'll set a timer on my watch and I'll be like 10 seconds. And then after the timer goes off, I go, okay, time to get up.

We gotta go edit, get up. I know it sounds weird, but It works for me. That's all that matters. It works for Mo, your girl, your host, with the most it works. The other thing that I rely heavily on, on chat GPTI actually [00:36:00] downloaded A-A-G-P-T called My ADHD Chat, GPT Coach. I tell you what that thing has been like, my saving grace.

I use it for everything. I use it to plan my day. I use it to ask questions about like why I do the things that I do. But most importantly, I use it as a motivational coach to like get my ass up. So like, I'll type something, I'll be like, I need to do task A, but I'm struggling to start help.

And then they'll ask me questions like, what exactly are you struggling with? What is on your mind? Yada, yada, yada. And then it'll be like, how about you stand up? Even? It's just for one minute, just stand up. Then I'll stand, they'll be like, and I'll say, okay, I'm standing now. I actually type that into my GBT.

Okay, I'm standing now and it says, that's great. Now walk to your desk. And then it does it like step by step. It holds my hand step by step until I'm in a groove and then I don't need it anymore. But it's been [00:37:00] my BFF, like it really has been so helpful to me and I'm learning that I don't need to follow those productivity lies where they're like, just be consistent.

One thing, and this is me veering off the road again. But one thing that people with ADHD tend to do, it's very black or white. Either we do it all or we don't do anything. And so oftentimes if we miss a deadline or like you know, we're supposed to get started at like six o'clock and it's 6 0 5 and we haven't, then we'll just scrap the plan because we didn't get started at exactly six o'clock and like my GBT coach is great for talking me out of that black white frame of mind.

For example, this morning I fell asleep 'cause I was reading right before my workout. And normally I'm supposed to start working out at, 5 52, [00:38:00] but, I'm supposed to do my pelvic stretching at 40 and I fell asleep. I didn't wake up until six o'clock and I was like, oh shit.

And normally my strength training takes me about an hour and 15 minutes. But I knew because I wasn't getting started until six o'clock, that there was no way that I was gonna finish this whole workout. So in the past, what I would've done was just say, fuck it, I missed my workout. I'll do my walk tomorrow or whatever.

But this morning I was like, okay, I've got an hour. It's six o'clock. I got a little over an hour to do this. I have to start making breakfast by seven 15. So what can I do until then? Like how much of my workout routine can I finish in that amount of time? And so I got straight into my workout and I, I didn't finish it, but I did do it.

And so like I am getting out of that frame of mind of the black and white. Either I do it all or I don't do nothing. I'm just like [00:39:00] learning to let go productivity lies. And using what works for me, like what supports my brain. And learning this has like, changed everything.

It really has. I haven't had a chance to implement this and maybe by the time this episode comes out, I will have a chance to implement it. But I bought a couple of battery powered digital clocks where it has the time, like in big fat letters and I'm planning to bring them to shoots because again, time blindness is a thing and I'm gonna have one by the setup.

I'm gonna have one at my laptop. I also, I got my watch, and the goal is just to have a clock everywhere that I'm gonna look, there needs to be a clock everywhere. And then the other thing that I do is that I've been using that timer on my watch.

I just set it. Okay, 30 minutes. We got 30 minutes to do this. Alright, we're gonna photograph this dish in 15 minutes. We're doing 15 minutes for this, for this shot. I love it. It's working for me. It really is just keeping [00:40:00] me, keeping my head in the game. I wanna say that like, once I started learning about my neurodivergence and I started like accepting that this might work for someone with a neurotypical brain, but it's not gonna work for me and stop fighting it, like stop fighting it.

Once I stopped fighting it, everything softened in my life. My self-talk, my expectations. My self worth, even my creativity, like, it just, everything feels soft.

Mica: My whole life I never thought I had ADHD. I knew I was struggling with something, but I thought I was, honestly, I thought I was stupid. And I thought that I was a slow learner, [00:41:00] that it takes me a while to learn something, but once I learn it, it's ingrained in me.

But like, I have to work extra hard because I won't get something on the first try. Like I won't understand something on the first try. And I hate that to tell y'all, like, that's really what I thought of myself, that I questioned my IQ, I questioned my intelligence, my ability. And I thought that maybe I was like a few pigs behind and, and it just takes me a little while to get there.

But the reason why I didn't think I had ADHD is because I thought people with ADHD was like super hyper, like just bouncy everywhere off the walls. And I didn't think I was that, like I wasn't bouncing off the walls. I wasn't cartwheeling through the grocery store, but I watched a video about fidgeting.

About how people with ADHD fidget a lot, and we're messing with our rings. We're messing with whatever's on [00:42:00] our wrist. We tap our toes, we tap our fingers, like we're just constantly moving. And I didn't realize that I was a fidgeter. I am constantly tapping, shifting, doodling. I click my pins.

Even right now as I'm recording this, I have a little fidget, a little eraser that I kind of twist around. I read online that it's good to have like fidget toys to give your, to stimulate your brain until like, paying attention. But like, I never realized how much of a fidgeter I was until I watched that video.

Another thing I heard about ADHD is that we can't focus. And that's why I thought I didn't have it, because I'm like I can focus. If it's really important, I can focus. I just need to like get my shit together and everything has to be like the right condition and then I can focus.

And I used to say to myself like, I have trouble starting, but once [00:43:00] I do, I'm like, Eagle-Eyed on my task and nothing could stop me. But little did I know that what I was experiencing was one of ADHD's most confusing, magical, I don't even, magical is even the word, but it is hyper focus. I didn't realize that I was hyper focusing on whatever it is that I'm doing. And I guess that's where some would consider that to be a, a superpower, but it feels like it's. A superpower, but with awful side effects. Like it's the creative equivalent of having Beyonce level energy for like six hours and then suddenly you're just a fainting goat.

And you know the thing about hyperfocus, oh, she is a liar.

She fools you, convinces you that you are capable of Olympic level productivity air and then suddenly boom, [00:44:00] you are on the floor surrounded by piles of paper because you suddenly needed to reorganize your entire desk drawer system. With hyper focus, you get so zoned in on that task that everything goes away. You skip meals, you skip bathroom breaks, you skip text messages, emails, responsibilities. You just escape everything you have.

No idea what time it is, what day it is, where you are, who you are. Like you push everything and everyone away because this one task has kidnapped your entire soul. And I can see how some people would call that like a superpower. That's a superpower. But for me, that's not good focus. I feel like that's obsessive focus.

That's the I'll blink to forget and eat focus. It's the don't talk to me. I'm stressed out and I'm in the zone kind of focus. [00:45:00] And for people with ADHD, hyper focus is, I don't know, it's weird because hyperfocus is one of the few times where our brain feels completely quiet. And honestly, I love it.

That's what I love about exercising. That's what I love about my long walks. People ask me all the time, how are you able to do the 10 mile walks? How are you able to do eight mile walks? Don't you get bored? I'm like, no. It is amazing. My brain is quiet. Like I just am focused on my breathing. I'm feeling the weather, like everything is just so nice and my brain is just at peace and everything melts away.

So in times like that, love hyperfocus. I feel like I'm in flow. I feel like I'm unstoppable. But when it's hyper-focusing on like a task, I don't break it up into phases. I just go all in and I'm like, I cannot stop this until it's done. [00:46:00] And then I feel like tremendous guilt afterward because while I'm hyper focusing, I neglect everything else in my life.

I walk out of hyperfocus, confused, bewildered. I just stepped off a rollercoaster. I'm disoriented. And then I spend the rest of the week catching up on everything that I ignored for the last few days, which is why I was getting frustrated with the podcast because I'd get into these hyper focus zones with editing the show and it takes me about eight to 12 hours to edit one episode.

And it takes a lot longer 'cause I get distracted. But like, it would take me eight hours to edit one episode and That's a whole day. And I've neglected everything [00:47:00] else. I've missed deadlines, I've missed phone calls because I am so dead set on getting this episode edited and done. And that's okay for a once in a while thing, but like the night before a show or the night before the episode goes out. And so now that I understand what's happening with hyper focus, I feel pressured to like catch up to repair, to, I don't know, make up for lost time, which is wild because the time wasn't lost.

But I just feel guilty for neglecting everything else. One of my last shoots earlier this year, my external monitors, the Bluetooth connector kept malfunctioning.

We couldn't see like what I was shooting. So we'd troubleshoot it, we'd reset it, we'd start, and then it would malfunction again. And it slowed production down tremendously. We were so behind, [00:48:00] so the client asked me if we had an HDMI cable instead.

And I was like, yeah, of course. And I thought I packed it, but it turned out that I didn't. So what did I do? I obsessively searched through every single bag, every pouch, every zipper. Hell, I was even tempted to go search my car. My assistant was like, let me look for this HDMI cable.

You keep shooting, this is what you're supposed to be doing and we'll find it and it'll be fine. Nope. I still kept searching 'cause I was like, I could have sworn I packed this motherfucker. I know I packed this. And the client, bless them, offered their cord, they had an HDMI cord and they're like, here, just use this and let's move on and I'll make sure to get it from you, at the end of the shoot.

[00:49:00] So even with that solution in my hand, I could not let it go. I had to find out either if the cord was not in one of my bags or if it was at home and I had to open every bag, touch every item, confirm for myself that the HDMI cord truly was not there. And even after we started shooting. For the next few hours, all I could think about was that damn cord. Where in my house was that damn cord. By the way, that HDMI cord, I did leave it at home. You wanna know where I left it In my drawer with my socks. Don't ask me why I was there. I, I don't know. I don't know why I put my HDMI cable in my drawer, my dresser with the socks.

The [00:50:00] thing that frustrates me about hyperfocus is that from what I've learned, hyperfocus doesn't show up responsibly. It doesn't clock in at nine, and then it clocks out at five. And it doesn't ask like, Hey girls, you got other things to do today. It doesn't check your calendar, ask about your deadlines or consider, you know, your hydration levels hyper-focused, just shows up and you're like, oh, we're doing this now.

Bet. Clear. My schedule.

And what drives me nuts is the instant change. It's like one minute you have unlimited energy, unlimited drive, unlimited creativity. It's like I could go all night. And then the next minute, boom, done, drained, empty. Can't do it. Won't do it. And it doesn't matter if you're mid email, mid edit, mid photo shoot, my brain will [00:51:00] suddenly go, Kay, done now.

Adios. Good luck out there. Good luck honey. And then it just like leaves me. And then comes the burnout. When you're in the middle of a photo shoot, you can't burn out in a photo shoot, so you have to like chug your way. And that's why like when I get home, I am tired and Aaron will tell you this, but like I get home and I pass out on the couch, and that's why like I have to put my equipment away right away.

I can't do anything that looks like rust until I put all my shit away because I'm gonna pass out on the couch and then I'm gonna leave my equipment out for like the next five days before, I don't know, the next shoot happens, or Aaron gets so frustrated with me that I end up putting my stuff away.

For the last two months, I've been hyper-focused. [00:52:00] See what I did there? Hey.

Seriously, I have been hyper-focused on learning about ADHD, the impacts it makes in my life. I am the type of person that, like, you give me the answer, you give me the knowledge, I hit the ground running. I don't look back. I'm not afraid of hard work. I'm not afraid to like do the stuff, the things, but just like, tell me what I need to do.

And that's what next year really is gonna be about. It's gonna be about figuring out what changes behavior wise I need to make in order to be the best version of me.

I'm excited for this year. I'm excited for like, how things are gonna go. I'm excited for the sets that we're gonna create, the things that I'm planning to do. I'm just excited for 2026. I'm [00:53:00] ready for this year to get started. I mean, I know at the time that I'm recording this in December, so by the time this comes out it'll be January. But I'm excited for the year.

I'm excited for the possibilities. I'm excited for the new things that I'm gonna be learning about my diagnosis. I'm excited to meet other people with ADHD and to feel connected in that way. Like I am so jazzed and ready.

I don't know what the word is gonna be for 2026. I feel like excited, hopeful, optimistic, those are all like overused words. So when I have a better idea of like what the word of the year's gonna be, I'll, I'll let you guys know, but I just, I will say that I'm excited. And as I learn about my diagnosis, I'm gonna share with y'all. I'll be in the stories. I'll be talking all [00:54:00] this smack all this shit about, did you know type of stuff. And then please, anyone who has ADHD like diagnosed, please come talk to me.

Tell me your experience. Like I've got so many questions. Before I close this episode and wrap up this year, I wanna bring you back to the heart of why I wanted to share all of this.

I am done not with the show. Didn't mean to scare y'all. I'm not done with the show. No, this is still a big part of my heart. What I am done with is trying to force myself into systems that were not built for me. I am done shaming myself for forgetting, for waiting for spacing out, for procrastinating, for struggling.

I'm done. [00:55:00] I am done pretending I can remember 37 things at once without help. That I can accomplish all the things without help. That I can sit down and hunker down and do the damn thing. Without complications. I'm done. I'm done, done, done. Pretending like I've just got all the fucking answers. 'Cause I don't.

In 2026, I'm creating workflows that flow with me. I am creating systems that give me the space to, I don't know, flubber.

And I am creating rituals that ground me instead of overwhelm me.

And my second goal, I want to prioritize sustainability in my creative life. I want [00:56:00] less burnout. I want more balance, more joy. I want all these things on set in my business, in my personal life, I want to make more professional friends. I need coworkers. I need people to co-work with. Like I need that.

And more than anything, like I don't want a life where I sprint and then I crash. I want creative joy to be the default, not the reward. I'm making space for all of that. If my brain is tired and can't focus, then boo, we resting today and we're gonna do it guilt free.

So now to you, I don't know if you're listening to this on your walk, if you're in your car, if you're at your desk in your studio, curled up on your couch, I don't know. Wherever you are, if anything in this episode resonated with you, [00:57:00] good. that's what I want. If you have ADHD like me, or if you think after listening to this episode that you might have ADHD and you're struggling, then this is definitely for you.

Here is an affirmation that has been helping me every day. I, at some point say to myself one of these things. I say, my creativity is not broken. My brain is not behind. I'm learning how to support myself in ways that honor who I truly am. ADHD is real. This is real. Why don't you go get some water?

Thank you for listening with an open heart, and thank you for keep showing up.

I love this show so much. I put so much of myself in this show and [00:58:00] I do it because y'all keep showing up. Y'all give me so much hope, encouragement. I don't know each and every one of you personally, but y'all are my family. Y'all are the foundation of what keeps this podcast going, and as long as y'all keep showing up, as long as y'all keep listening and giving me feedback, I'm gonna give it everything I got.

So thank you for being a part of this show. Thank you for being a part of this community. I hope that 2026 is going to be your best year, even though there's a lot of crazy shit going on right now. I hope that with all of this heaviness that you'll find yourself feeling light moments. If this episode, anything in this episode, hit home, come talk to me, let me know. Share it on Instagram, DM [00:59:00] me, email me, send me an owl, I don't know, smoke signal. However you wanna reach out.

Come. Holler at a girl, and if I'm not distracted, I promise I'll be the best listener. Just kidding. I'm just kidding

Speaker 2: This episode is written and produced by me, your host, Mika McCook. Like this episode, give us a five star review on Apple Podcast and subscribe to the Savory Shot wherever you get your podcast. Or follow me your host, Mika McCook, on Instagram at Mika. McCook or you can follow the podcast on Instagram at the Savory Shot Podcast.

If you have any questions, comments, or would like to be featured on the show, email us at podcast@thesavoryshot.com.